


I would stay like this forever (but i think i'm drowning in you)

by Catherines_Collections



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Did you expect anything else, M/M, Pining Michael, Practice Kissing, Recreational Drug Use, Unrequited Love, boyf riends — Freeform, i wrote all this today, is prime Michael, plz enjoy, this is not as sad as i wanted it to be you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 05:43:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11891235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherines_Collections/pseuds/Catherines_Collections
Summary: It’s the flash of moonlight through the window, an inhale of the smoke engulfing them, and another glance at Jeremy that has him gone.





	I would stay like this forever (but i think i'm drowning in you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loveinamaltshop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveinamaltshop/gifts).



> For the prompt "Just this once" given to me by loveinamaltshop (oh yeah, i twisted it too. Also remember what we were talking about earlier?? Kinda mixed that in too!) Go read her stuff cause it's a lot better than mine!
> 
> I own nothing, please allow your tears to mark the pages.

The first time Jeremy suggests it, they’re both high in Michael’s basement and tripping over each other’s laughter as smoke slowly fills in the rest of the room around them.

Jeremy moves from sitting next to Michael to in front of him and starts to say something. But before he can he’s coughing and soon enough his coughs dissolve into another round of giggles that have him curled up on Michael’s knees on the floor.

Michael reaches down to run a hand through Jeremy’s hair, soft and gentle and slow, and his heart jumps when Jeremy sighs and leans further into it: stretching his body out like a cat and lifting his head to gaze up at Michael like he’s the only other human on the planet.

(There may be an ulterior reason Michael doesn’t invite the other to get high with them in his basement, and it may have to do with the way Jeremy looks at him as if he’s the only thing that matters: will always be the only thing that matters. And well, if he wasn’t greedy with the looks and their shared time before, he sure is after the SQUIP. Especially with everyone else in the picture now: especially with Christine actually in the picture now.)

When Michael zones back in he realizes that Jeremy’s been pawing at his shirt, head buried in Michael’s calves and is mumbling something incoherent.

And oh, Michael does not need that image in his head or those vibrations running through his legs: not with his best friend so close, not like this.

“Jer,” he murmurs, carefully lifting up Jeremy’s head until he’s cupping his face with his hands and gets a full view of Jeremy’s scrunched eyebrows and pout. 

He wants to laugh - to run a thumb across Jeremy’s bottom lip, trace his sharp cheekbones with his fingers, to stare into his eyes until the color blue has been melded onto his skin - but he tries to cover up his amusement with a gentle smile.

His heart nearly gives when Jeremy only nuzzles into one of his hands and continues to mumble. 

“Jeremy,” he tries again, a slight lilt to his voice that he hopes Jeremy won’t be able to place. 

“Jeremy, my buddy, my player two, the yin to my yang,” Jeremy snorts at the last one and Michael’s smile grows wider, “don’t make me pull out the last one, Jer, you know I will.”

Jeremy doesn't move and so Michael mental cracks his fingers in preparation to deliver the final blow.

“Snuggle muffin,” he coos, his laugh turning into a yelp as Jeremy bites the end of one of his fingers. Michael shakes him off and with a whine Jeremy falls back onto Michael, but on his chest this time rather than his legs. 

Michael can’t decide if that’s an improvement or not. 

Jeremy’s still mumbling, so Michael tries to lean down and hear what he’s saying.

When he finally makes sense of the garble, he knows he shouldn't be surprised, but that doesn't stop his chest from aching so deeply he feels like he’s bruised it. 

The slow steady tune of  _ Christine  _ echoes around the room consuming it along with the smoke, and if Michael didn't know better, he’d say the name had curled around his neck. 

“Hey, Jeremy, buddy, you wanna talk this one out?” He pokes Jeremy’s cheek and finally,  _ finally _ , Jeremy looks up at him. But he doesn’t move, he stays planted on Michael's chest and Michael can’t find it in himself to complain. 

“You’ve been saying Christine a lot,” he starts trying to keep his voice careful and neutral, and doesn't add  _ more than usual, _ “everything okay?”

He’s not sure what he expects from Jeremy’s response, but it sure as hell isn’t for tears to start filling his eyes  _ ohmygodno _ .

“Jeremy, hey,” he takes Jeremy’s face in his hands again and searches it, restraining himself from pulling him as close as he can, “what’s going on? I thought things were going good?” Just because he doesn’t necessarily care for Christine and Jeremy together, oh hello jealousy nice to see you again, doesn't mean he’s hoping they fall apart.

Jeremy pulls a lip between his teeth and the tears start to retreat back into their sockets, thank god, before he opens his mouth to speak.

“I’m just,” he starts, voice small, and Michael reminds him to take a breath and so he does, and his next words come out as a hiccup: “I’m nervous.”

“Nervous,” Michael repeats, eyebrows tilting downwards and he tries to keep the concern from pouring into his voice, “about what?”

After twelve, going on thirteen, years of friendship Michael’s gotten pretty good at predicting responses. So when the blush springs over Jeremy’s face, Michael can feel his eyebrows lift with it.

“Jeremy,” he starts, tilting up Jeremy’s chin where he’s lowered it, “you can tell me anything, bro.”

And Jeremy, because he is a kind trusting and beautiful person, leans back onto Michael's knees and does. This time, it’s Michael who takes a minute: to comprehend, that is.

“I’m sorry, what?” Michael asks and Jeremy’s pout becomes a nervous frown and he starts to pull at the hem of his shirt.

“I said I’m nervous about kissing Christine, I mean- what if I mess it up?”

Michael thinks he may be dying. What of? A little bit of everything at the moment because _ jesus christ. _

“Jeremy,” he starts, slowly, because holy crap he is not ready for this conversation, “didn’t you, um, practice, with Brooke?” 

He doesn't add _ and Chloe  _ because that's a whole other problem they need to talk about later. 

Jeremy blushes darker and Michael swallows, hard. 

“It was um, the SQUIP, most of the time? Or well, i was just doing what it told me to do, so I don't really remember what to do and-”

And something in Michael goes very very quiet and dark.

“Jeremy,” he says, and Jeremy looks up from where he’s had his head bent, and shit this is much too serious of a conversation to have high: especially for Jeremy but they need to have it, “you have to be honest with me, okay?” He licks his lips and tries to remember to breathe. 

“Did you want to kiss Brooke?” 

And maybe he should expect Jeremy to splutter and nod vigorously because  _ Jesus christ Michael, yeah, It’s-It was still me, it’s fine i just don’t remember how to, is all,  _ but it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulder when he does.

“I just-” Jeremy starts, and Michael thinks he may be sniffling and Michael’s heart breaks a fraction more, “I don’t want to mess this up.”

And something in Michael breaks.

And something in Michael makes up it’s very poorly put together mind.

“I can-” Michael, feels his heart flail and brain scream, starts, “I can help with that.”

Jeremy snaps his head up so fast he would be concerned if his eyes weren’t so wide.

“R-really? You would do that?” Jeremy asks and Michael makes a smile grace his lips.

“Course, Jer.” The  _ I’d do anything for you  _ going unspoken between them.

Jeremy’s still riding his high because he’s the one trying to lean in first, crawling up Michael’s legs to sit on his chest and staring: waiting. Pupils blown and eyes wide and lips already parted and, wow. Michael has dreamed about this - kissing Jeremy, every way possible: from goodnight kisses to spidey kisses cause he’s a fucking romantic and also a huge geek - but never like this. 

Something sour settles in his stomach and he has half a mind to push the other boy off but, Jeremy leans closer and Michael can see the hope in Jeremy’s eyes and the light dust of freckles covering his cheekbones.

It’s a flash of moonlight through the window, an inhale of the smoke engulfing them, and another glance at Jeremy that has him gone.

There’s lightning in his veins where there was only blood before and it’s almost half as exhilarating as the feeling of having this boy sitting in his lap.

He tries to stop his hands from shaking as they reach out to grab Jeremy’s face and pull him closer, almost to where their lips are brushing.

It’s Jeremy, in the end, who closes the gap between them.

The first kiss is light and breathy and has Jeremy resting his nose against Michael’s as he tries to get some air in tiny panted breaths.

It’s Michael, who searches out Jeremy’s mouth the second time.

Their second kiss it’s heavy and messy - Michael bites Jeremy’s bottom lip and pulls him closer when he mewls, hoping to leave as many marks as he can on this beautiful boy before his time is up - and over too fast. 

Michael’s the one to pull away. He gets a second long view of Jeremy - cheeks flushed and lips swollen and god, if he could just have this boy always a hand too out of reach - before his eyes are opening slowly like he’s coming up from a dream.

“Oh,” Jeremy whispers, the word as soft and open as the lips Michael can't draw his gaze away from. 

He thinks there should be a ‘shit’ behind that because the world seems to have been overtaken by the small smile curling on Jeremy’s lips. 

“Okay,” Jeremy says, louder, bolder, voice slightly husky in a way that would have Michael’s knees giving in on him if he were standing, and the emphasis on Jeremy’s swollen lips when he speaks makes him wish the kiss had never ended.

Though, there are a lot of reasons he wishes the kiss had never ended.

“Okay.” Jeremy says again, looking at Michael, and smiling as wide as his lips will allow. “Okay, I can- I can do that,” and then a shy, “Thanks.”

And the world comes crashing down in those eight words, and who would have guessed the world was ever held up by so little, but Michael keeps his smile small and his face frozen. 

“Anytime, buddy,” he says, adding a wink at the end and pretending it all doesn’t just _burn_ everywhere when Jeremy laughs.

.

They don’t talk about it after.

And it’s fine, Michael thinks, it’s fine.

It’s fine when Jeremy cancels their gaming session to stay out later with Christine. It’s fine when he talks about how much he loves her and how great she is  _ because holy shit Michael, she’s perfect  _ and the fake smile becomes the real one. And it’s fine when Jeremy cancels sleep over after sleep over to stay over at Christine’s because Christine is cool and Michael likes her and it’s fine. 

It’s fine when Jeremy stays the night at Jake’s, or Rich’s, because they’re all friends now and that’s what friends do. It’s fine when he doesn’t answer Michael’s calls because  _ I actually went to a movie with Chloe and Brooke, last minute thing, sorry! _

It’s fine when Michael ends up in the bathroom at Seven/Eleven at three in the morning, stoned out of his mind and pouring everything out to the cashier girl sitting beside him because he doesn’t think he has a best friend anymore, not when he has so many better offers.

It’s fine.

Because it has to be.

.

They don't talk about it.

.

When they do get a game night, it's a month after the kiss and the longest time they've spent apart with the exception of the SQUIP.

It's like every other game night before it: pizza crust scattered everywhere, bad music blaring from the radio, and playful competitive banter that means nothing outside of this room.

Jeremy's smiling at the TV because he's winning for once, and Michael would let him win every time if he would just come around enough to play.

"You okay, man?" Jeremy asks and Michael realizes he's been staring at Jeremy instead of the TV, but he fights the blush down.

( _Don't scare him away. Don't give him a reason to leave. At least act like you are as good as Christine_.)

The blush fades along with some of the blood in his face, and he hopes Jeremy doesn't notice.

"Oh yeah," he laughs, because _don't screw this up_ echoes in his head colliding with _don't make it awkward: don't make it a mess._  

"Sorry, it's just for a second I almost believed you could win."

When Jeremy's head snaps back to the screen it's just in time to see Michael's cart cross the finish line. 

Jeremy falls back into his bean bag with a groan while Michael lets out a _whoop_ and lets his head fall back as he laughs.

"Hey man," Jeremy starts, two pizzas in and three levels left to go, "we're cool right?"

And Michael - could say, _no, everything you do seems to be crushing me but I think that ones on me,_ or, _why don't you call anymore?_ , _Why do you always cancel_ Or, _is it my turn not to be cool enough,_  because he knows Jeremy would answer truthfully because he is wonderful and good, but _It's fine_ \- keeps his eyes on the screen and stretches his lips into a smile.

"Yeah, dude," he starts, ignoring how everything just seems to burn, "we're cool."

Jeremy smiles back and resumes the game, and soon returns the banter.

.

They don't talk about it.

Michael's beginning to wonder if that's actually the problem.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm rhymesofblue on tumblr and comments and kudos are much appreciated.


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